I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
