Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
These tits shall not be calmed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
