She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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