I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
