I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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