is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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