dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Me too!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
