What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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