i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
