I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
