Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
