i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
