Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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