matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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