I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
