matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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