I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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