Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
