You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
