NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
