If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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