i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
