Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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