dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
