Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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