using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
