look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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