Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
