I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
