someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
