I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
