just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
