He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
