were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're a waste of cheezeits
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
