they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
