It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
