I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
