I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just gargled with NyQuil
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Someone signed my nipple.
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