"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i think i have two assholes
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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