I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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