Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I would fuck him just for his dog
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
