Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
