I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
