woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
