Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
