omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
