please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
