she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
