so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
