bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
