can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
