So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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