in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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