I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She swung at the pinata with crutches
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
