you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
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