I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
