Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
