You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
