i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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