Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
