i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
