I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
